Jackie

My name is Jackie Soloman. I have been a member of Grace Lutheran since 1997. I have felt God’s presence in my life many times....daily even. However, there were periods of my life when I felt His arms come around me tight to give me peace. I was told from the very beginning of my third pregnancy, that I was RH Negative and should avoid buying anything new for the baby. My third child, Matthew, only lived 10 hours. Even today, I find it difficult to describe the pain. To make matters worse, the hospitals did not let you see your baby or have closure. How do you bear losing a child? How do you get through this time of guilt, self-doubt and sorrow? It was an immense time of grief for myself and husband. The hospital chaplain spent a lot time with me after the birth. He was truly a gift from God. He never talked openly about the birth and loss, but spent his time with me sharing some of the joys in his life. The chaplain never indicated that I should be happy that I already had two children, which sends the message of guilt & ungratefulness. We just sat for hours just talking about life and how good it was. In reflection, this time instilled in me a realization how blessed I was to carry children and a new realization of what a beautiful future I had with my family. Surprisingly, this was a season of hope for me, I had faith that God had plans for Matthew and in turn, for me. I knew then, that this was God working in my life.

My other son, Michael, struggled with addiction. During this time, Larry & I held onto so much fear and worry. It’s a helpless feeling seeing addiction take over your child’s life. After two times through rehabilitation, he lived sober for many years and a life filled with faith, hope and love. Eight years ago, we had breakfast with Michael and two days later he died of a heart attack. The last words we said to one another was, “I love you.”

Again, our faith in God’s plan for us was what carried us through this dark time. Grace Lutheran and Pastor Julie truly supported us through this difficult time and were our comfort.

During my life, God has taught me that taking one day at a time can give me peace & hope. I really can’t do anything about the future, but, with God’s help, I CAN make today a good one.